With Mayo Clinic health education outreach coordinator Angela Lunde

A primary caregiver of someone with Alzheimer's disease is faced with tough decisions at a time when they are feeling loss, grief, resentment, fear, and sometimes depression and exhaustion.

The toughest decision I see caregivers faced with is moving their husband or wife, mother or father to a care facility. As one writer said, "trying to decide when to pass the torch is a heart wrenching dilemma."

Feelings of obligation and/or guilt often delay their decision to move their loved one with dementia to a care facility. But, who can blame these husbands, wives, sons and daughters? Letting go, even when it is clearly the best thing to do, is nonetheless devastating.

Just possibly, and with time, these once primary caregivers may come to see a "silver lining" in their decision to move a loved one. Once a loved one is placed in a care facility, the stress of providing daily cares, constant supervision and worrying about safety and wandering is lessened.

Instead, the role of "caregiver" is relinquished while the role of husband, wife, son, or daughter is restored. Now time spent together can include taking walks, reminiscing, listening to music, watching favorite movies, and just being in one another's company. This can be a time both enjoyed and cherished.

People will forget what you said,
People will forget what you did,
but they will never forget
how you made them feel.

- Maya Angelou

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