With Mayo Clinic health education outreach coordinator Angela Lunde

I have read some comments with regards to the challenges of communicating with someone who has Alzheimer's disease or another cause of dementia. I'd like to share some ideas that may help from time to time, and hear from you on the topic of "communication."

First, consider the words or sentences you are using. Do they sound as if you are telling the person what to do (or what not to do)? Keep in mind that you are still communicating with an adult, who, at least in the early to mid stages may be trying to maintain some sense of control.

For example, be cautious when starting out a conversation with "You need to ..." or "You can't" or "I want you to ..." Many times you will find that this escalates any agitation or anger that may be brewing (also pay attention to the tone of your voice and/or body language). Remember that the person with dementia no longer has the ability to be rational or logical the way they could before the disease, nor to the extent that you do. Arguing with the person will make the situation worse. As one writer mentioned "it is the disease, not the person."

As caregivers, most of you know that this makes sense, but amid the everyday stress of caregiving it is not easy. I understand that. Keep in mind that "coping caregivers" accept that they will not handle every situation perfectly. They recognize that they are human and have limitations.

Please give yourself permission to feel satisfied that you are managing a particular event or responding to a disruptive behavior in the best possible way you could at that given moment.

"Do the best you can. You won't go to jail if you pay your bills a few days late. Your meals don't have to taste like Julia Child's. Besides, if you serve meatloaf 3 nights in a row, who but you will notice." — Anne Simpson, "Through the Wilderness of Alzheimer's Disease"

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