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Anger management: Expert answers to common questions
Anger isn't always bad. But if anger is handled poorly, it can be harmful. Check out these tips from a Mayo Clinic specialist on anger management and anger management classes.
By Mayo Clinic staff
Anger itself isn't a problem — it's how you handle it. Robert Zackery is a clinical social worker at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn., who provides counseling and runs anger management classes. Here, he offers insights into the nature of anger, when it can be helpful, how to manage it, and what to do when you're confronted by someone whose anger is out of control.
What is anger?
Anger is a feeling of displeasure or hostility. In essence, anger is a warning bell that tells you something is wrong in a situation. Anger is an unpleasant emotion, but it's also a normal, healthy emotion. Anger is a natural response to perceived threats. Anger becomes a problem only when you don't manage it in a healthy way.
Anger involves a few different components:
- Your emotions. This component of anger involves feelings such as sadness, disappointment or frustration.
- Your body. Anger can cause physical signs and symptoms, such as muscle tension, increased heart rate and increased blood pressure as your body releases adrenaline — the fight-or-flight hormone.
- Your thinking. How you think can cause or worsen anger, or it can help you cope with it in a healthy way. For example, your anger may be fueled by thoughts that the world is out to get you, or that your partner "never" does what you ask. A healthy response is to acknowledge that it's OK to be frustrated, and look for solutions instead of focusing only on what's wrong.
So it's not 'bad' to feel angry?
No, being angry isn't always a bad or negative thing. Being angry can motivate people to listen to your concerns. It can prevent others from walking all over you. And it can motivate you to get involved with causes that you care about. It's not knowing how to manage your anger in a healthy way that's a problem.
What causes people to become angry?
People today are faced with multiple stressors — bills, drugs, peer pressure, racial conflicts, health care issues, war. There's a lot of stress in society in general and in our personal lives as well. There are so many things to feel threatened about, and some people respond in a negative way.
Most people don't just walk around feeling mad all the time. When someone explodes with anger, there are actually a lot of feelings behind that prior to reaching the boiling point. There's usually a triggering event — something in particular that sets you off, such as a disagreement at work, being stuck in traffic or not being able to get through to an actual person on the phone.
Your personal history feeds your reactions to anger. That's why some people react so angrily to certain situations, like losing a parking space, while others take it in stride. You may have built up years of feeling unheard, ignored, sad, frustrated or disrespected. Also, if you were taught that being angry is a negative thing, you may never have learned how to express anger appropriately — so your frustrations simmer and make you miserable, or build up until you explode into an angry outburst.
What are common methods of handling anger, and which is the healthiest?
There are two basic reactions to anger:
- Expression. This is the act of conveying your anger. Expression occurs along a continuum, from having a reasonable, rational discussion to erupting into out-of-control violence. It's the difference between talking to someone calmly and physically assaulting them.
- Suppression. This is an attempt to hold in or ignore your anger. You may think you shouldn't be angry or that you'll lose control if you let yourself feel any anger. The danger in this passive approach is that you may not protect yourself when the need arises. You may also become passive-aggressive, where you don't express your anger assertively or directly but scheme to retaliate because you haven't learned how to express anger constructively.
Expressing yourself in an assertive — not an aggressive — manner is the healthiest approach to handling anger. Being assertive means that you state your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.
Next page(1 of 2)
- Karren KJ, et al. Mind Body Health. 4th ed. San Francisco, Calif.: Pearson Education; 2010:95.
- Controlling anger — before it controls you. American Psychological Association. http://www.apa.org. Accessed May 27, 2009.
- Barbara Woodward Lips Patient Education Center. Understanding anger. Rochester, Minn.: Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research; 2004.
