With Mayo Clinic health education outreach coordinator Angela Lunde

Anne Simpson is a wife and now a caregiver for her husband, Bob.  Several years ago, I read a book the two of them had written together called "Through the Wilderness of Alzheimer's Disease." The book captured the viewpoint of Anne and Bob as individuals facing a diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease, as well as their journey as a couple.

Recently, I received a copy of Anne's latest book. The book is a collection of poems written by Anne over a period of probably close to a decade. The poems are poignant, sometimes unsettling, yet beautiful. One poem in particular struck me and I reread it several times before I went on to the next. Here's the poem called "Someday" from Anne Simpson's book "Growing Down: Poems for an Alzheimer's Patient" (Calyx Press Duluth) with my reflection below.

Someday —
Maybe someday soon —
I shall wake up with hope,
ready to get up and move on.

But not today.
So don't tell me that
the sun is warm,
the breeze scented with lilac.
Don't recount my blessings
or remind me to be thankful.

Someday —
maybe someday soon —
I will share your laughter,
tell stories and remember my beloved
as he was.

But today
I'll sit with him and hold his hand,
listen to the shallow, ragged breathing,
watch for life to flicker in sightless eyes,
and wait for a flare of recognition.

As I reflected upon this poem, I took from it a message about what caregivers might need from us, their family, friends, and support networks. Contrary to what we often think and do, caregivers may not always need our words of encouragement, praise, pep talks, or best attempts to brighten their day; it is not our job to talk them out of their feelings. Instead, caregivers may need our support, maybe even permission, to simply feel what they feel; which can one day be deep pain or loneliness and the next day hope and gratitude. When we accept and validate caregivers in this way, we can be part of their healing.

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